I remember nodding my head in total agreement. It sounded purely logical – our belief in the existence of God isn’t about feelings either. I was sure I’d always be confident in God come what may.
How then do you tell this to a girl who prayed hard and believed so much despite the fact that are exams went really bad and ended up seeing a very awful result. Or that mother who believed so much for a healing notwithstanding what medical reports said and ended up losing her young daughter.
I can go on and on. It’s easy to boldly declare what we believe in when things go right. When they don’t….
I recently had a conversation with an amazing person I just met. Of course, we veered to religion. I always do.
“I have trust issues. I wouldn’t leave everything to God, that way I don’t get disappointed and I know it’s my fault when things go wrong.”
There’s a story of disappointment somewhere. Someone’s hope and belief crushed like a broken winged bird.
Yet, I’ve always depended on God all my life and of course I defended him. He wants the best for us.
Mo was discouraged about her result and she told me she felt bad about feeling discouraged. What happened to all her faith and trust in God? God would be disappointed in her reaction and lack of faith.
Here I was again, speaking God’s word and boldly declaring, “Let’s speak the scriptures. Faith isn’t about feelings. God loves you too much to care about a little unbelief”
Today, I’m disappointed. I know I shouldn’t be, I should speak God’s word… All things work together for good. I flopped my Contract exams and other people did well in theirs.
I couldn’t even relate the questions to the course itself. Everything I knew, the estoppels and Pinnel’s case, Terms of contract, Consideration, Fundamental breach and the likes weren’t asked. For once, I was extremely confused during an exam. I prayed afterwards, believed so much. I even thought I heard God speak comfort and hope to me.
Seeing my result, I feel awful.
I feel awful about feeling awful. God has been so faithful to me, why should I care if he didn’t help me pass one course. Why should I feel bad the Holy Spirit didn’t explain the exam to me and he helped others to pass? Why am I unhappy that my roommate who hardly reads or prays had an impressive Gp increase while I see mine leaking and bleeding?
Romans 8:38-39: For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things to come, nor powers, nor heights, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate ME from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Picture Credit: Manuel. For the fears you chased and the tears you wiped.